2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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