The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this just has baby written all over it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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