u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize