he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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