Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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