woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize