4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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