I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize