White coat. Heels.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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