1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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