You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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