i think my mom watched the whole time
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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