the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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