soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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