"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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