My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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