I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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