According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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