i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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