and you said cock pushups were impossible
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i think i just lost a toe
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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