Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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