need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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