No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize