No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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