just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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