my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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