Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize