TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize