You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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