I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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