dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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