It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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