i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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