Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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