You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize