Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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