He uses pillows to masturbate.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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