He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
