I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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