Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize