So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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