i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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