I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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