dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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