At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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