I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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