Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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