just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize