It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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