he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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