WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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