he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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